His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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