i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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