HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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