I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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Are we still banned from the library?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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