living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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