I could make wine with my vomit
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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