you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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