you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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