I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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