i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize