you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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