stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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