You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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