tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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