I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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