Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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