God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize