Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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