sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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