I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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