I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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