its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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