woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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