My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize