if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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