i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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