And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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