I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize