I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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