when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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