Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize