Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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