How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize