How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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