I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and she was petting her beer can
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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