Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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