Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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