so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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