WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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