i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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