Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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