Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize