Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize