could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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