i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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