your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize