I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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