You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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