His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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