This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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